19.5 Discuss the types of restrictions on whom one can marry.
Probably every child in our society knows the story of Cinderella—the poor, downtrodden, but lovely girl who accidentally meets, falls in love with, and marries a prince. It is a charming tale, but it is misleading as a guide to mate choice. The majority of marriages simply do not occur in so free and coincidental a way in any society. In addition to the familial incest taboo, societies often have other rules regarding the mate, such as whether they may or not be cousins, whether they should or should not come from the same community, and even whether the couple has choice in the matter.
Even in a post-industrial, urbanized society such as ours, where mate choice is theoretically free, people tend to marry within their own class and geographic area. Studies in the United States consistently indicate that a person is likely to marry someone who lives close by.68 Because we tend to live in neighborhoods with people from similar class backgrounds, it is unlikely that many of these alliances are Cinderella stories. Moreover, it is worth remembering that even Cinderella’s story stretches convention only so far. She was, after all, a well-born girl who just happened to be oppressed by her evil stepmother and stepsisters—until, that is, the prince discovers that only Cinderella’s aristocratically dainty foot will fit in the glass slipper. Parental preferences are not just found in complex societies. Even in societies with subsistence economies, parents prefer their children marry someone of a “good family background.”69